We spent a blissful weekend with our new beautiful boy! We didn’t like his name and so we changed it over night, we pretty much decided his entire future that weekend, and we made plans to start his college fund ASAP! On Sunday, Sept. 18, 2005 we got together with my sister, her husband, Mike’s cousin, and her co-worker for a BBQ at the ocean. It was my sister’s first time meeting her new nephew! We had a great time showing him off I can tell you. My sister brought him some wonderful gifts that she gave out one by one during the afternoon.

We were feeling just like new parents who had nothing in the world to fear! We were happy, content, full of hope, and really alive for the first time in years! We were mommy and daddy!

Monday, our big happy balloon got a hole in it the size of a crater! I got a phone call Monday morning from the caseworker. He needed to come by and check out our home. He also needed to bring paperwork saying that Avery, (man, look at our oldest son, does he look anything like an Avery?), was our foster son. About an hour later, we got a call from a woman saying that she was in charge of picking Avery up on Tuesdays and Thursdays for his visits with his birth family.

I was stunned! I asked her why in the heck she was picking him up? He had been placed with us for adoption! I was pissed off, upset, scared, you name it, I wanted to take this woman and beat the crap out of her! She was very patient yet persistent, and just said that she would have the caseworker call me about it but, she needed to arrange with me to pick him up tomorrow! I agreed on a time, and hung up the phone and just crumbled onto the couch.

Even though I have always understood what Adoption at Risk meant, I never really considered that until the judge took the parental rights away they had every right to see their child! That’s what hit me like a sledge hammer between the eyeballs. It was their child! Not mine. Once more I was going to have to send a child back to their mom and dad!

January 2005 found us happy and ready to be parents! We jumped everytime the phone would ring. We had our list of questions to ask about a child they wanted to place with us. We had a crib up with cute sheets and comforter. We had little stuffed animals ready for our new daughter. All we needed was the new daughter!

January turned into February, March, okay, I am the least patient person in the world, April, May, June, you get the picture. We were going to the mainland in June to visit family so, that took the wait off of our minds! We just couldn’t believe that they hadn’t called us yet. So, we went off to the mainland and had a great vacation with both of our families. Our niece had talked us into letting her go back home for the summer by herself. She was going to live with her older sister during that time. She promised us she would come back at the end of July and finish her high school education.

Well, of course she got back to her family’s home and wanted to stay! It was her family after all. Her brother, sister, and all her cousins were there. Not to mention her mom showing up once in awhile! There was also the fact that no one would tell her how to act! She could pretty much do what ever she wanted to. At our house there were rules that she had to live by, and didn’t want to. Like, no smoking (anything), no drinking, etc. There was nothing we could do about it. We felt it was a mistake but, she was 17 and just didn’t want to be so far away from her family. Although she did come back, it was in protest. She just made sure she acted up so much that we had to let her go back! She would have found a way and I didn’t want her finding a bad way back home. So, at the beginning of September, 2005, she went back to her home.

I waited about 2 weeks, it took me that long to clean that girl’s room out, boy what a pig! I called my licensing caseworker and told her that there were no longer any kids living in the house, and that we could take a child of any sex. I also asked if we could have our license changed to take in 2 children. She said yes, that would be no problem.

That done, we next had to concentrate on my husband’s cousin’s wife coming to town. When you live in Hawaii you are in charge of being the tour guide for all family coming over here! Oh, and some friends as well. Debbie was coming in from Arkansas with a co-worker. We picked them up at the airport on Thursday, Sept. 15, 2005 and took them in Waikiki to their hotel. We told them we would pick them up the next morning for a tour of the island of Oahu. We told them it would take all day.

We also had my sister Paula, and her husband Scott over here. They were actually here for 6 months! Back to the cousin though. We got up on Friday, Sept. 16, 2005 and headed out to pick up Debbie and her friend and show them the island. We actually live almost in Waikiki so it was minutes to pick them up. We headed out and were driving around Diamond Head  showing them the beautiful ocean view from there when the cell phone rang.

This was like 9:00 in the morning. It was Mike’s cell phone so I assumed it was just work calling. He had taken a vacation day off work to do the tour. Well, it wasn’t work! I hear Mike tell the caller, “yes, of course we will take him. Can you talk to my wife, I am driving.” He hands me the phone and let me tell you my heart was pounding so bad I could hardly stand it. Our licensing caseworker told me she wanted to place a 15 month old Japanese boy with us. He had been in emergency foster care for the past month. He was abused by his birth mother, and was drug exposed. We had to take him now though. Otherwise they would call the next person on the list!

I asked if we had time to go and buy him a car seat and some diapers! She said yes and that the assistant would meet us in our parking lot to give us the baby! So, with cousin and friend in the back seat, we made an illegal u-turn and headed for Wal-Mart! We raced over there and bought what we needed, then headed as fast as we could for our building’s parking lot.

We just managed to beat the social worker there. She pulled up in a big white van, got out, and started pulling all of his stuff from the back of the van. His birth family had sent clothes, toys, and a special blanket of his. I was upset because this woman just left the baby in the car. So, me being me, I marched over to the back seat, opened up the door, and proceeded to take him out of her van! He was asleep but woke up as I took him out of the seat. One thing I noticed right away, he looked like a Hawaiian child, not  Japanese. We later found out he is Hawaiian, Filipino, Japanese, and Portugese. We were told his name was Avery Yukio. Okay, I just didn’t like his name the minute I heard it.

Anyway, he just put his little arms around my neck and held on as tight as he could. Well, all I can tell you is that it was love at first site! I held on to him as fiercely as he held me. I felt a total surge of anger at everyone who had hurt this child!

Even the caseworker for leaving him in the van! Every protective instinct in my body came out in one second! I was going to protect this little boy with my life!

So, what did we do after receiving our child? We loaded him up in the car and took our company on their tour of the island! He was a very quiet little fellow, and just looked around at everything! He didn’t utter any sounds whatsoever! He was an angel child on that ride! Looking back I think he was probably very confused and probably scared! His Auntie Debbie bought him a candy bar and proceeded to feed it to him. He had no clue what to make of that. I don’t think he had ever had one before! It wouldn’t have been my first choice of food but, what the heck!

Mike and I walked around the whole day like two idiots with smiles plastered all over our faces! We finished the tour and dropped the girls off at their hotel. We then headed home as fast as we could. I wanted to count all his toes and fingers, and begin my life as his mommy!

Okay, this was really big! I wasn’t speechless for very long though! Just isn’t my style. I would have to describe myself as blunt spoken, outspokesn, and very opinionated but, rarely speechless! I asked Mike if he was serious, and when he wanted to start. 

Everything else went out of my head instantly! It was completly filled with thoughts of babies of my own! I was ready for one to be placed in my arms at that moment. Didn’t think of anything else except, he said it, let’s do it! Mike said he had been thinking about it, praying about it, and he was ready to apply now. Okay, here we go! I didn’t need any other direction. We were going for it, done deal! Another thing about me, I am a  let’s go, let’s go, let’s go kind of person! When my mind is made up on something there is no stopping me going for it full speed ahead.

So, how do you adopt? I had no idea how to go about it. I got up the next morning and opened up the telephone book to the government pages. The Most Frequent Numbers had a listing simply titled adoption. I called the number and got a message machine. I left my number and sat back shaking after actually starting the process. I mean here I am at 46 trying to adopt a baby! I have to tell you that my body was telling me are you crazy??? I have itis, arthritis and bersitis, and all the regular 45 something year old aches and pains!

I got a phone call back the next day from the state telling me that they would send an information packet and application. Each state has their own requirements but I think it is probably similar to ours. Once we got the packet we started filling out the paperwork. It was pretty standard stuff. They want to make sure that they are placing a child in a good home. So, they ask all kinds of questions. They also ask for letters of recommendations from people that you know. We were lucky to have letters from our Pastor and a church friend! There are many people that you can use though! Work friends, friends from the gym, etc.

They also tell you what the requirements are to become certified to be a foster parent. Yep, that’s right, we have to become foster parents in order to adopt. How do you become a foster parent though? Well, turns out it really isn’t hard at all! Each state has a training course you have to go through, medical examination, an FBI background check, possible drug testing, a Home Study, and other requirements depending on your state, and finally a visit from the Department of Human Services licensing division.

Training was really common sense stuff. We went for 2 weeks a few hours at a time. We had to complete a certain course of study about families, children with problems, discipline, all kinds of situations. You are able to hear questions and answers that we all have about taking in a child that is a stranger. You have to do homework, at least in Hawaii, and turn in assignments to complete your training. All in all, it was a good experience with caring people.

Next you had to race to get an appointment with the FBI and show the trainers that you had the appointment set up. You did this so they would make an appointment with you to come to your house and do the home study. This part of the certification process is very, very important and should be taken very seriously. We both had to be there for the whole thing!  We were told it would take at least two hours!

So, we raced down to get finger printed! Seems that Mike’s fingerprints had been pretty well erased over the years from roofing! We wondered if this would be a problem or not. It wasn’t! We got one of the first appointments from our class and I went home to clean the crap out of a 750 square foot compartment! That little apartment has never been so clean! We child proofed everything in site. We child proofed every door, window, drawer, toilet, and anything else we could slap something on! They were actually more interested in talking to us though they did inspect the house. Just didn’t have to be so gung ho! Oh well, the house needed a good cleaning anyway.

The home study was very long and detailed. They asked us so many questions about anything and everything you can think of! At the end of the question section, we had to decide what we wanted to do as far as adoption versus fostering, what age we wanted the child to be, what race we were willing to take, and just all kinds of little things you don’t really think about. Hey, we just wanted a baby!

We had to take a girl because my niece was still living with us. We decided that we didn’t care what race the child was but, we wanted to adopt a baby. So, our age requirements were a child that was birth to 18 months. We decided to do something called adoption at risk instead of just signing up for adoption. What this meant was that we would have a child placed with us that DHS thought would end up in adoption. However, they were still trying to reunify the baby with the birth family! It is called concurrent planning!

It is a really emotional way to go though, I mean the worst kind of roller coaster ride! We have a lot of friends who are fostering to adopt though. Every one of them told us that if you just signed up to adopt, you wouldn’t have a baby placed with you for years, if at all. The fastest way to have a child placed with you is through being a foster parent. Then if the child ends up going to adoption you are first in line to adopt it. These kids are placed with you temporarily though. The whole time you are fostering them, the state, with your help, is trying to send them back home! You do take the child in without feeling you are going to keep that child though. I guess that could make it easier on your nerves.

We decided that we would take what we felt to be the middle ground. We would do adoption at risk and hope that it would all work out in our favor!

So, after two short months, in January of 2005, we were certified to take in one little girl. Remember, it had to be a girl because my niece was still living with us. The state has regulations on space for each child, and were they have to sleep. A baby can be in the parents bedroom for the first year. After that they have to be in their own room with their own bed. We set up the master bedroom for “the girls”, Mike and I took the smaller bedroom!

Okay world, we are ready for our baby, bring her on…