Reality Check!
Okay, we are confused! We have our son, we are all done with you guys, now go away! Why do they want to take him to see the person who abused him? The caseworker came by and gave us the paperwork that proves we were the foster parents. He told me that we would be going to court in December over Avery. He told me the “visitation specialist” had called and what was the problem? I told him we had been told that Avery was up for adoption. It surprised the heck out of us when we found out he had visitation! He just said Oh. The next week he left town for the mainland, forever.
Visitation started that Tuesday morning. This woman shows up in a van, late. She doesn’t want me to put the baby in car. She will do it herself. She says they just cry more when the foster parents, or parents, put them in. Okay, that is a load of bull!!!! She thinks I am not going to kiss him goodbye, she is crazy! She puts him in and goes to close the door. I firmly put my hand on it, and leaned into the van and kissed my son goodbye, and told him I would see him in two hours! He was screaming from the moment this woman took him from me. As I leaned into this woman’s van, I could hardly stand the smell! The car seat that she put him in was so filthy it just wasn’t funny!
When she brings him back home, he is dirty and so sweaty. She has food all over the front of her shirt! So, she ate while driving my son! Not very safe if you ask me. He was so glad to see me, and I was so glad to see him. I had spent the entire 2 hours worried sick about him. I couldn’t do anything but worry about how everything was going with his birth family. I was just a wreck the whole time! I was wondering how in the world I was going to be able to do this twice a week!
Luckily, this woman didn’t last! I found out that Avery went from emergency foster care, where he was for 1 month, to another adoption at risk family. They had him for one night and decided that they didn’t want him! Can you believe that? I can’t imagine anyone not wanting him! They were on a different side of the island so, when they placed him with us, his visitation changed to my side of the island. Catholic Charities took over. They sent an angel to us to pick him up! She was wonderful, soft spoken, and Avery loved her! Visits also went from twice a week to once a week! The birth mom said he made her to anxious, and she didn’t want to spend that much time with him. She also cut the one visit a week down to 1 1/2 hours. That was fine by me!
Caseworker number two comes along in October. She is very nice but, has just started working for DHS and is trying to catch up on all her paperwork. She tells me that Avery was placed with us by mistake. That DHS didn’t have custody of him yet! Great, just what I wanted to hear. She said that it was just a protocol thing. That they had no intention of reuniting this boy with his family. That it didn’t look like there was anyone willing to take him as the aunts, uncles, cousins, didn’t want to put up with the drug addict birth father. She said that it looked good for us but, you never know who will come forward in the end. She reminded me that we were adoption at risk! Boy was I feeling the risk part at this time! Hated it. I was crying all the time, yelling at my husband all the time, and just upset. I prayed that God would give him to us. I knew it was entirely in his hands. Cause it sure wasn’t in mine!!!
In the meantime, in addition to the caseworker, we have had the public health nurse, her students, their teacher, a guardian ad litem, coming to our house once a month. Avery was in the early intervention program. It is an umbrella of services and people to provide them. It is actually an outstanding program. I just didn’t want to be in it. I felt that any problems Avery had, I could handle them myself! The house had to be pristine clean all the time, and I felt like I was always being watched. Everyone was very nice but, it was such a trial. I felt I had to be a super mom, super housekeeper, and super at everything! All I wanted to do was lock the doors, and hide in the house with my baby!
I was beginning to understand the process now. You have to go back to your training. They told us that all these people would come into our lives as support. They told us that caseworkers change all the time. They told us that we would have many court dates. They told us that the process was slow, slow, slow! They told us all of these things! I just didn’t really hear them though. I was thinking only of getting my baby into my arms!